Let Him Go
by Griffin kid
Summary: RaixKim. Kimiko's still seeing Raimundo after he betrays the temple, but it's gotten to the point where it's not fun anymore being caught in the middle. Kimiko's POV. My first songfic.Better than it sounds.


I still can't get over my writer's block for 'Let There Be Darkness', but I figured I might as well write something over the summer. This is my first songfic and romance. Mostly RaiXKim drabble. Personally I see these two more as good friends and I don't understand a lot about romance, but when I heard this song, this idea wormed its way into my head and wouldn't stop wriggling until I typed this out. I don't own Xiaolin Showdown or 'Let Him Go' by Lily Wilson. This is in Kimiko's point of view and like my other fics takes place after Raimundo's betrayal. Kimiko might be a little out of character. Sorry.

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I scrunched up my pillow so that it resembled a human shape, placed it on my floor mat, and threw my blanket over it. As I tucked my pillow in, I pulled up on parts of the blanket so that it looked like that there was some arms and legs underneath it. Then I went into my hair accessories and fished out my midnight-black hair extensions, the ones that matched my natural color. I stuck them at the top of the blanket. Wow. The decoy was finished already. I stood up and looked it over to see if the process had gone by so fast because I had gotten careless. No, it looked pretty realistic. I guess I'd gotten better after all the times I'd done this.

I checked my watch. 11: 04 p.m.. Time to go. I walked slowly across the floor so that I wouldn't wake up any of the monks. I wasn't sure if I needed to; Clay's snoring was plenty loud enough to drown out my footsteps. And I had already prepared my alibi if I needed it, that I thought I heard something and went to check it out. Still, better safe than sorry. If anyone found out that I was doing this, I'd be kicked out of the temple, not to mention lose some of my best friends. Once I was outside, I climbed onto the roof and jumped from rooftop to rooftop. Omi's lessons on quiet landings were really paying off.

When I finally got to the rooftop that was out of the sight of the sleeping quarters and meditation hall, I checked my watch again. 11: 10. He'd be here soon. My heart beat faster with the anticipation and excitement of his arrival. But at the same time, I was dreading it. Because tonight would be the last time I would ever see him as a companion. Tonight, I was going to end it for good.

_**I said yeah**_

_**I'm gonna let him go**_

_**All day long **_

_**I'm gonna let him go**_

_**And I won't bend oh no**_

_**I'm just gonna let him go**_

I sighed as I ran my fingers through my hair and pulled down the plain purple sweatshirt I was wearing that had ridden up from my jumping. I looked down at my outfit that consisted of the sweatshirt, a pair of dark blue capris, and sneakers. If someone had told me a little more than a month ago that I was going to be wearing something this drab, I would never have believed it. And I would've fainted at the thought of going somewhere without my hair being in some cool style. During these times I've just been letting it down. I've been dressing like this lately for three reasons. One, between the time Omi, Clay, and the rest monks fell asleep and the time he came by, I couldn't really spend a lot of time on how I looked. Two, he said it was best not to wear anything flashy so we didn't attract attention. Three, the most important reason, when he met me here the first time I came plain like this, he didn't say anything at first. He just stared at me for a moment, not with disgust or mockery which was what I expected from him, but with . . . I don't know. It kinda creeped me out and I asked him what he was looking at. He said "Nothing," and then smiled.

But it was a nice smile, not one of his usual smirks. He smiled in a way that told me that he had never seen me look more real to him, and that in his eyes I was the most beautiful person in the world to him.

_**But when the night falls**_

_**With that crazy wind**_

_**His dangerous heart calls**_

_**And I dive right in**_

_**To the beautiful darkness**_

_**Why do I love this one?**_

I smiled. That was another thing that I loved about these nights. I loved how he could pour his heart out to me, teach me profound things I had never even heard of before, and make me feel like we were the only people on earth, just by the look on his face, the tone of his voice, or the touch of his hand. Sometimes he didn't even need to speak. Unfortunately, that also went for expressing his love. Not that he didn't do a great job of doing so otherwise, I knew he really did love me, but I wanted so badly for him to actually say it. Some things just don't seem real unless you say them aloud. And although they weren't suppose to be, I needed for these nights to be real.

I groaned. What was I thinking? It wasn't like it mattered anymore anyway. I couldn't think about this kind of stuff tonight. Not tonight. I couldn't think about how magical the nights I spent with him seemed, how exhilarating it was to be with him, how special he made me feel, how nice it felt to be in the warmth and security of his embrace, how wonderful and passionate his kiss-

No. No. No. I wasn't going to think about any those things right now. I couldn't afford to. If I did, I would never be able to go through with this. And I had to, I had to end it. But, I couldn't remember- why was I doing this again?

Oh right. We were enemies.

I sighed, recalling the nights I had hinted to him to come back to us or to at least try to make me understand why he betrayed us. He would act like he didn't know what I was talking about and change the subject. Most times I decided to let it go, I could tell just the mention of the topic made him uncomfortable. But one night for some reason I couldn't drop it. Where were we that time? Oh right, stargazing from one of the open rooms in the simple yet magnificent ruins of Mesa Verde. I remember the more he dodged the subject the more I pressed it until I finally had him where there was nowhere to run. I involuntarly shut my eyes as the memory of what had happened next surfaced. He didn't come for days after that. I didn't think I could ever go near him again once I had seen that side of him up close. The side that would smile sinisterly at us from the heylin side. The side that enjoyed hurting us.

**_Cause when he walks away_**

_**I could feel so good**_

_**And he will never say**_

_**What I think he should**_

_**But I still wish he would**_

_**And I know he could**_

Then one evening a soft breeze filled with the sense of his presence gently blew throughout the temple, insignificant to anyone but me. Brief as it was, its arrival informed me that he would come that night. When it had left, a short battle raged quietly inside me between fiery red-hot anger that he would even consider coming near me after what occurred last time and disgustingly strong joy for his return. For sanity reasons, I allowed my temper the better of me. After throwing a few objects across the room and about a dozen loathing thoughts aimed at his daring and my eagerness, I told myself that there was no way in hell that I was going to meet him. I decided my heartbeat didn't quicken at the possibility that he would come, denied the attentiveness each hair on my body took when my skin was brushed by the zephyr, and reasoned that the shiver sent up my spine was caused by the cold the rushing air carried and nothing more. I consoled myself that it was much better this way.

I rolled my eyes at how stupid I was. Thinking something didn't make it so, no matter how many times you made it echo throughout your skull. My fury drained as night drew closer, and the good memories of him bleached and faded the one of that particular night. When we met on the rooftop I was amazed at how well we could act like nothing had happened between us while at the same time we both let each other know that we were sorry and had forgiven the other. Whereas many blissful nights followed this event, so did some harsh sleep deprived days which most of the time in them was directed at cursing my idiotic feelings.

_**Cause when the night falls**_

_**With that crazy wind**_

_**His dangerous heart calls**_

_**And I dive right in**_

_**To the beautiful darkness**_

_**Why do I love this one?**_

I was pulled back into the present when a reckless breeze came in from behind me, pushing my loose tendrils of hair into my face. I felt the corners of my lips pull upward despite myself. I knew this breeze. He was here. I took a deep breath. This time, I was going to say it. Five simple words. I can't see you anymore.

I took a deep breath, spun around, and opened my mouth, the words ready to leave my tongue. Except to my surprise he was standing only a couple centimeters away from me and the moment I turned, he grabbed me by the shoulders, pulled me close to him, and pressed his mouth swiftly but tenderly to mine before I could force the words out. With my mouth already open to receive him, his clever tongue darted in, sweeping the words off my tongue and back into the depths of my mind where I had worked so hard unearthing them. I closed my eyes, surrendering to his kiss, openly inviting the wonderful sensations it was sending through my body. That moment, I forgot everything. My mind was swept blank like a chalkboard. I forgot about his betrayal of humanity, heylin and xiaolin, Omi and Clay, sheg-gong-wu, the destruction of the world, everything. Nothing mattered but the kiss. When our lips finally parted, I savored the feelings that were left afterwards for as long as I could before they ebbed away.

"Feel up to a little adventure?"

I shivered, his warm breath on my ear contrasted to the cool night air surrounding the rest of my skin. He noticed and pulled me closer into his embrace. I smiled as the heat from his body seeped into mine, then finally opened my eyes and looked up at him. His forest green eyes were sparkling with excitement and mirth and just a hint of mischief. What was he up to tonight? Then something in my brain clicked and reality hit me like a brick wall. Everything important flashed across my mind. I could've slapped him. It struck me now that he knew perfectly well what I was about to do and knew what I had been trying to do the past few nights. The kiss was a device to get me to forget my intentions. It almost worked. Inwardly I groaned as a sensible part of me reminded that maybe it had. After all, I hadn't said it yet.

"Raimundo," I began, enjoying the way his name felt on my tongue and lips.

Before I continued, I waited a moment to summon enough courage to end this. I waited too long. He cupped my face in his hands and pointed it to his. "I found a new spot that I think you're gonna love." He said. At least, those were the words that came out of his mouth. I could tell from his eyes and tone of voice that he was actually pleading me not to ruin this.

I forced myself to think of Omi, Clay, and Master Fung. I had to do this. Also I couldn't stand feeling caught in the middle any longer. Showdowns had become torturous to witness and participate in. It would be one step closer to Wuya's true victory if any of us lost. At first I didn't think it would be such a big deal if I competed against him like I would any other enemy. That changed on one of the nights when he took me flying.

I almost laughed aloud in remembrance to the position I had to put myself in to join him in this activity. I would have to lie on him with my stomach to his back; the wind supported his body while he carried mine. His tan arms would be outstretched and mine would be snaked under his arms, hooked around his broad shoulders, and my hands would be tightly clasped at the back of his neck. Our legs would be so intertwined that at the end of the ride I would've forgotten that they didn't belong that way.

That particular night he had his hood down and for some reason I bunched the material underneath my chin and pulled back. Some of the material covering his back rode down, revealing jagged brownish-red scars that I knew weren't there a few nights ago.

I had no idea how to act in a showdown after that. I couldn't stand the thought of him being punished for his losses. It was almost as bad when I was at the sidelines, torn between who to root for.

_**I am losing myself in between**_

**_Who he is and _**

_**Who I want him to be**_

_**So I keep building up**_

_**And fighting the fantasy**_

Finally letting him go would also mean ending the pain I felt daily for both sides. That thought more than anything coaxed the words back up my throat and ejected them. But only two of the five words made it out. "I can't . . ."

My voice, already sounding so puny cut short to block the tears that threatened to flow. I listened for him to blow off the topic like he would dust covering a beautiful wooden surface and to entice me into whatever marvelous trip he had planned for us tonight. But he said nothing. Then I looked back up at him. His expression betrayed no clue as to what he was thinking, but the gleam in his eyes let me know he was taking something into serious consideration. Silence and stillness enveloped the rooftop for what felt like both a brief moment and several years.

Then he sighed and gave a sad smile of what almost seemed to hold surrender. "Yeah, okay."

Something inside me released and relief and sorrow washed over me. My eyelids were forced to allow two or three tears to escape in order to keep back the rest. He understood. Somehow he could finally see how much this was hurting me. No more games. He was setting me free.

_**All my life **_

_**It has always been**_

_**Let the good guy lose**_

_**And the reckless win**_

_**Take my heart down again**_

_**But I let him in**_

He leaned in for another kiss, but I pulled free from his arms and looked away. I knew my mind would be swept blank by the ecstasy of his kiss again, and I wasn't sure if I could find my way back to common sense in time once more. I didn't trust myself to speak without bursting into tears. I glanced back up at him, hoping he didn't take my actions the wrong way. I could tell he was a little hurt, but that he understood my reasons.

Then he turned, whispered the name of the shen-gong-wu on his hand, and tore it through the air in front of him, forming a portal. Just before he was about to step through, he paused and turned back to me. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but he must've thought the better of what he was about to say because he shut it just as the odd sound of a questioning syllable escaped and turned away. It didn't matter. I knew what he was about to ask. It would have been a simple harmless question, but to ask it would have caused my heart to jump up to my brain, rip it inside out, and cloud my head with emotional confusion. I know for certain that that would have happened had he asked because it was now taking place since I had already gotten the question in my head and couldn't stop from subconsciously asking myself it. Was I sure?

Honestly no. I wasn't sure about anything.

Suddenly his arms were around me and his face was in my hair, startling me out of my thoughts. I was so absorbed in them I hadn't realized he hadn't left yet and had let the claws tear fade out. I returned the embrace and we shared a bittersweet kiss. This time it didn't completely clear my mind, but it was like having every moment that we spent together pass across my mind. When we parted he whispered the words that he never needed to say but that I desperately wanted to hear. "I love you."

Whatever strength and courage I had left melted away with my confusion. Then he gently and almost regretfully pulled away, smiling and nodding to let that he knew I already knew what he just told me, but he had to let me know for sure. I knew he already knew that I returned his feelings with practically everything I had and I wanted achingly to tell him so anyway, but couldn't on account of the lump that had formed in my throat.

Abruptly he turned, silently activated the Golden Tiger Claws, slashed them through the air creating yet another gash ripped in the fabric of reality, and jumped through. Surprising myself, I leapt after him and dove into the frightening and breathtakingly beautiful whirl of darkness and wind.

My remaining logical sense screamed that I was weak, irresponsible, and foolish, but then I banished it from my head and let myself go with it. Why go through this pain tonight when it could wait until tomorrow night, or even the night after that or the night after that? Hell, who cared if I ever ended this sensational phenomenon? Nothing really mattered except that I loved him and no one, not even myself, could stop me from doing that. Reason, common sense, and putrid meaningless boundaries like good and evil be damned.

_**Cause when the night falls **_

_**With that crazy wind**_

_**His dangerous heart calls**_

_**And I dive right in**_

_**To the beautiful darkness**_

_**Why do I love this**_

**_Why do I need this one?_**

I guess you could also put this to "Listen To Your Heart", but I like 'Let Him Go' better. Anyway, I don't think I'll be writing another one of these. Iorek's still nauseous from helping me with this one. I apologize for anything I got wrong and to anyone throwing up in the wastebasket nearest to them.


End file.
